Give it time.
Three words. A seemingly simple concept, and yet for a goals driven, results oriented, and slightly neurotic perfectionist…a concept that is frustrating to no end.
I have been living in New York City for about four months now and as a result a lot has changed but I am starting to feel more settled. I know where the grocery store is and the best route to the subway. I know which corner I am more likely to grab a cab when I am running really late to work and I know the best route home through Central Park. Similar to my job, I knew that the adjustment to my new home would take time. At a new job they say it takes about four to five months to really feel situated. And I will attest that yes, that is definitely the case! I have been at my job for about nine months now (time seriously flies!) and just feel more capable each and everyday. I am incredibly thankful to be in a company where I could see myself for the long haul and to be in a role where I am constantly learning. Now that I am feeling more situated in my career as well as my apartment, I am starting to get antsy about the extras, you know having a life outside of the 9-5.
Making friends is hard.
Add in a new job where you don’t know a soul, plus a city with only a handful of friends, all of who live pretty far away… New York can be a very lonely place.
One thing that I have struggled with the past few months is branching out and meeting new people. Unlike college, not everyone around me is my age. It is hard to meet people you connect with, and don’t even get me started on dating! I have definitely spent my fair share of time exploring NYC on my own, which is fine, I tend to like to do things alone but sometimes it gets to be too much. I wish that my best friends from college were all my roommates in my little apartment and we could just spend time together like we used to. Unfortunately, they live all over the place and I only get to catch up with them every few weeks. As a result, I have found myself missing that partner-in-crime dynamic and wishing that I had a crew here in the Big Apple.
I have a family friend who has live in the city for over twenty years. She is less like a family friend and more like my cool aunt. She lives between Park and Madison on the Upper East Side and her love for New York City is never ending. We get lunch together every couple of weeks to catch up. These meals typically consist of her answering all my questions about this crazy city we both call home. I told her how I have been feeling about meeting new people and making new friends. Instead of judging me, she just nodded as I rambled about this strange state of loneliness in a city filled with millions of people. She completely understood and knows from personal experience how hard it can be in this city sometimes. However, like everything else in life she reminded me to give it time.
This is the exact phrase my mom gave me the night I called her crying during one of my first few days at Bucknell. I hadn’t made any friends yet, my roommate and I were clearly not going to be best friends (but we surprisingly ended up being excellent roommates!), and I was scared that I had made a huge mistake. She reminded me to give it time, and I kid you not the next day I became friends with Tara and Steph, both of who are two of my best friends from college to this day. During that phone call I seriously felt hopeless and like no one would “get” me or want to be my friend. Clearly I was wrong, but in that late night phone call I felt entirely alone.
I know that this feeling of loneliness and unknown is temporary. I am a newbie New Yorker and there is so much to look forward to in the months to come. My little sorority sister Melissa is moving here in the fall and I am so excited to have one of my best friends close by. I also have friends who are planning to come visit me soon which I am really looking forward too. I am excited to spend time with people who know me, inside and out, the good and the bad, and still love me anyways. In the last year so much has changed in my life and I know that a year from now I will look back on this time and laugh at my absurdity (well at least I hope so!).
Giving it time can’t be that hard afterall, right?