Okay so even though I have been living in my apartment for about 2 months now… it still doesn’t exactly feel like home. I mean yeah I have my stuff everywhere and it’s where I get ready for work every morning but it’s not home. I recently came across an article, and somehow it managed to put in to words how I had been feeling the past few weeks. Technically I have two homes, and yet for those first few weeks away it felt like none.
Right after I moved into my apartment in NYC, I went home for Valentines Day weekend to dog sit for my parents who were away visiting friends. My parent’s home still felt like home to me, especially since I had only been living in my apartment for less than a week. I curled up on the couch and ate all my favorite foods while binge watching the DVR recordings. It felt like I was home on Spring Break and could indulge in all my favorite things without a roommate or annoying neighbors to concern myself with. Since this weekend I have spent every week in NYC, about two months, nailing down my routine. I am slowly becoming more at home in this city and my apartment.
This past weekend I returned to my hometown again for Easter, to see my parents, and to bring all my spring/summer clothes back to New York. It felt entirely different than that weekend back in February. Yes, I know my childhood home like the back of my hand and the DVR still has some of my TV recordings, but it didn’t really feel like my home anymore. Something had changed. I packed up the remaining clothes hanging in my closet and my favorite knick knacks. Now more than ever my childhood room felt like a memory. This house that will always be home, felt less like mine and more like my parent’s, a change that was never spoken but just a feeling.
On the opposite side, my NYC apartment is slowly starting to feel like home. One of my goals over Easter weekend was to get those random essentials you only realize you need once you start living somewhere. For example, a paper towel roll holder, a full length mirror, a toaster, and the list goes on. I bought countless plants and decided how I wanted to rearrange the furniture. It is definitely a work in progress, but these little things are helping to make this space feel like it is truly mine. I want to start decorating the walls and organizing my books and mementos to reflect my aesthetic. I just resigned my lease so I am here at least until June of next year, so I might as well make my space reflect me!
There were definitely a few weeks there where I felt like I was in a state of limbo between my two homes. My parents’ house was not exactly mine and yet my apartment was still so unknown. Now I am trying to reorganize and decorate so that when I walk in the door, I know I’m home. Even though I would love to have my dream apartment with the perfect furniture, bedding, art, etc. that is just unrealistic right now. For the time being I am investing in things that I love and also what is most cost effective. I hope to share photos on the blog soon, but not until I feel like this apartment is truly home. No matter what though, I know that I have people who care about me so there will always be a place that feels like home, even when it is not physically my home.